I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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