speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
