At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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