We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
