Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
