Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
