guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
