Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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