I am puke
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize