I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
