He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
