her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
