at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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