i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
