It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
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