did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
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