Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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