I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
