lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
her vagine was all disorganized.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
