One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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