There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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