I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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