Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
