the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
