forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
