wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
