If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
