I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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