Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
