omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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