Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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