I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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