Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
