I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
