her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
