That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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