This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i would punch a child for taco bell
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
it's like iHOP with fire
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Shame - the story of my life.
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