You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
