If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
