my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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