Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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