My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Sorry about my life...
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
