tonight lets celebrate not being married
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
