I'm going to jail i love you
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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