I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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