how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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