I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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