Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
