did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize