I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
smell my finger.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
