Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
