I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize