I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
