He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
tell me about the eggs
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