Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
