Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
