Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
