Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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