If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
