3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
