my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
