i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
