you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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