and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
