I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
