Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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