The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize