I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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