My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
