Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
