Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
