On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
