just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
