I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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