No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I woke up under a house in Key West
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