I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
