I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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