Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
