i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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