Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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