Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
