I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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