you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You're breaking my sexual little heart
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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