but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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