spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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