awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
