Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
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