Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
