NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
