swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
