Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
