so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
