it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize