new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
