It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
