Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Four minutes until I can fart!
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
