you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
