the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
