I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
