I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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